#188: His Christmas Gift

From eternity, it's been destined to be,
The union between my soul and yours,
And even the blind can clearly see,
As daily your love shines bright washings over me.

Filling the cracks within my happiness,
Overflowing beyond rational belief.
Making your love more than one would understand,
As my yearning to know you more, that will never cease.

Because each day confirms a solemn truth,
That you were chosen solely for my life.
My heart, my soul, My Lovely Wife,
My lover, my friend,
For our love, each day like morning dew it begins.

And I your knight, no horse, no armor,
Yet protected in the warmth of your Love.
Deeply devoted to you, yielding all of who I am,
As I too was created only for you,
My everything is yours.

All other actions point to this direction,
Being with you I see the better parts of me.
As I confide in you, the mysteries of my soul,
Secrets only for my soulmate, you guard and keep.

I was complete, whole, before I set eyes on you,
But that only made it easier to recognize you.
Because loving you is like loving myself,
And for this gift, I refuse to share with anyone else.

Because your love has unlocked endless doors within my heart,
No keys required, no locks to block.
Born to this world, but made just for me,
To show God's love through marriage, and what it could be.

But you are more than the world could ever appreciate,
For things that are rare, are hardly believed.
Like knowing, you're the best thing to happen to me.

As God blessed our union, happiness is all we'll see,
As the right marriage is a never ending gift.
Christmas everyday, His daily gift.
I Love you Shalona Robinson, Merry Christmas.

#187: Like a Star

Just like a Star, I see your Light,
But daily wondering, will I ever reach you.
So distant, even when I know you're near.

Seeing you in ways, you could never see yourself,
A bounty of riches, immense in wealth.
And I'm not here to plunder,
With you I'm losing focus, makes me wonder.
What it would be, meeting the real you,

Realizing the futilely of my mentally leaves me at a disadvantage,
No cheat codes, sorely in need of an advantage.
Because I can't give up on reaching you,
Always looking forward to seeing you.

The real you, trusting to let me in,
Loving me enough so I desire to stay.
Constantly knocking outside your door,
Can you even hear me?

You're wondering when I'll leave,
When it's my wish we'll forever be.
But deep down you don't feel the same,
Because you're at a distance,
So you won't see me anyway.

When your light shines this bright,
How could you see me through your light.
And I know we're not the same.
Fully accepting my limitations,
As I am the moon, always trapped in circular motions.
Looking on to things that were never meant to be,
Just like a Star, I see your Light.

#186: Extraterrestrial

Expeditions searching the globe,
But its source remains untold.
As my love for you resides further than the beyond,
Surpassing the relativity of space and time.

Boundless in depth, enormous in height,
Wider than my mind can encompass.
Nameless, being here before one could name it,
Long before this world, or any other began to spin.

And you wonder why I love you so,
When there's no answer, I'll never know.
However what I do know, I've never experienced "this",
It's more than the secrets hidden in your kiss.

What I've obtained and with whom it belongs, that's the greatest gift,
The opportunity to love you, manifested before the Stars began to twinkle.
Its' existence is a universal mystery,
Love waited for you, throughout all history.

For even with a hundred years,
She could never understand, the magnitude of my love for her.
A love that grows not simply because of her,
But because it was loaned to me,
Borrowed from the creator so "we" could be.
A love billions of years in the making,
Shared with one who's heart should never be forsaken.

#185 Un-thinkable

You were the love of my life,
Long before you were my wife,
You may doubt I saw you long before I knew you,
A gift years in the waiting, sometimes debating if it was Him or me.

Because God sometimes shows the goal before the journey,
To remind us what we're going through at the moment is so worth it.
And your value to me beyond what I could ever afford,
Because you're created greatness fashioned by His hands.

Often looking upon you, reminded I'm merely a man,
Sorely appreciative I'm yours,
Thoroughly blessed to know you're mine.
As past, present and future violently collide,
A love like ours is truly hard to find.

You once asked me if I was ready for this,
I told you for my life, I've waited for this,
And now that I've found your love I refuse to let it go,
Each day searching for ways to love you more.

God grant me the time, as endless layers our love complies,
And I count myself unworthy of her love,
But I'll live my life in a way she'll never know.
As I'm content to wake up daily by her side,
As you guide our relationship to live as each day passes by die.

#184 Your Faith In Me

Becoming too familiar,
Attempting to love you as my own soul,
Now wishing I had loved it more.
Easily provoked,
Even though you had good intentions,
You're so in my circle you've become the point.

So when you're just being you,
I sometimes forget the point.
Should have never gone that far,
Hearing the words I've warn my son.

Getting emotional,
It's a place we don't fair too well.
Voicing my inner, now hoping you don't farewell.
Saying I love you is never enough,
Because I said that to others, their memories now dust.

There has to be another level that we can view,
If I put you first would that be so new?
Because lately I'll admit I've been thinking of myself,
If I take care of my own desires is there any love for you left?

Asking forgiveness, because I can't let you go,
Asking for forgiveness, because I was wrong, this I know.
I should've covered your moves, I let you go alone,
Now even if we're good, there's things I still have to atone.

Because I've sin against you, and it's easy to see,
I should have given my life, before my words would leave.
And those words shouldn't have come from a tainted place,
When your heart isn't the type of gift I to waste.
So let me be, what I wasn't but your dreams knew I could be,
The only man you'll ever need.... Please Believe.

#183 Why?

You hurt me, more than I believe any could,

More than I figured you ever would.
I don't understand the words which flow between your lips.
How can you say the things you do,
And yet profess that you love me too.
How can you say you're doing this for me,
When it's the furthest thing I want to see.
My heart is torn, sliced by infected words,
Vicious letters placed together which are solely absurd.
I regret the night my ears ever heard those sounds,
Figured we'll be forever, the place were love abound.
Now I wonder how I'm going to make it through this day,
When I know thoughts like these fill your head.
No wonder you can't hear me when I say you're the only one I want,
My soul bleeds at the thought without a you or me.
You seemed so calm as your tore my heart,
Attempting to understand where this came,
My mind soon followed suit.
I never wanted you to feel this way,
Wishing there was something I could say to turn the tide.
Left with empty hands wondering Why.
Why would you push me away when were so close?
Why do you despise yourself, thinking this is good for me?
When my heart was dying you were all I need.
Why can't you see you've been my shining light,
Only hoped you'll allow me to be your shining knight.
Why do you call this love sending me away?
When if you really loved me you'll fight for me to stay.
Because with you, and you only is what I've always dream to be,
So why am I not enough for you to believe in We?

#182 I Refuse...

If I may,
Without saying I'm whining,
Share my heart,
Without thinking these words are lying.

Funny, It's now I shouldn't be able to express,
Even though these emotions are what pulled you to me.
So I'm offended when you say this part me should leave,
If my heart was absent, surely we wouldn't be.

For its my existence that drove you to my arms.
It's this existence that keeps you from harm.
Because I abort what my predecessors had birthed,
Distrust in a man who knows your worth.

And though you have your thoughts on setting me free,
No second guessing, you're where I want to be.
If your love was easy, it wouldn't garner my time,
Waiting this long for you, I prefer not to get out of line.

Because my eyes are open to what you will eventually see,
That in the end it will always be you and me.
I check myself when I hear you talk,
Like how you don't realize the beauty I see when you walk.

Saying these are the things a man like me would say,
Dismissing my sight, blind man for another day.
Nevertheless I lift up eyes to what's before me,
The most beautiful creation my soul could ever see.

#181 Risky Gamble

She's a Queen worthy of confronting my insecurities,
A weighted process more lengthy than I assumed,
Years of baggage, your fire might consume.

For me to move forward, allow me to release what shouldn't be,
In the hopes if my prayers are answered I'll be a better me.
As I've suffered through pain that refuses to leave,
It's only in your presence that I find it's hard to breathe.

But I struggle with letting you enter in,
Fighting to keep you away, but I want you to win.
I'm perplexed and I know it doesn't make sense.
As part of me prepares for the day you'll depart,
And the other wonders what could be if I opened my heart.

I prefer not to gamble, because I'm prone to lose,
But there's no reward without the risk of loving you.
What we could be, I don't want to miss,
Your tender touch, nor lips to kiss.

I might regret I'm not the one for you,
Even though all signs say that isn't true.
Never feeling more alive than when I gaze into your eyes,
One of the greatest treasures this life unfolds.

I quicken at the sound of your voice,
My lungs would give out if I allowed my heart to rejoice.
You're so amazing, beautiful in every way,
Time passes with each day thanking the day we met.
And from that moment I never wanted you to leave,
So I'll take this chance and let my heart lead.

#180 Lamentations in Love

My heart's full of tears, but I won't cry,
As I refuse to let them flow, I rather let them die.
A screaming soul thirsty for relief it will never see,
But that's a concept my mind can no longer conceive.

Dreams crumble, beautiful ashes caught in gusts of wind,
As regret pours in, lingering moments from when things could be.
They say Love isn't a game,
Then why am I exhausted, feeling so played.

I have little strength to pursue,
Because this wasn't the direction to journey to.
Made a choice for the things I yearned,
Now paying for the mistakes I never learned.

And my heart won't relinquish my soul,
Praying if Love loosen its grip, would it let me go.
Because life as I know it, isn't what I intended,
Feel like I spend more of my days more than silently pretending.

That this table set before me will just have to do,
Like there could be no one else after you.
And I despise myself for formulating these foolish thoughts,
Because I admit my love for you comes purely from my heart.

There's no suitable solution,
Guilty emotions, knowing these are my choices.
For my life, please step in to intervene,
As my heart's torn in all directions, an bloody scene.

If I depart, would I suffer more?
Should I be content, instead of wanting more?
And although I would rather it be another way,
I know I'll forever lament the Love that won't come my way.

I.M.F.

Warring between two personas,
The person I normally am, I no longer know,
Self inflicted wounds merely from agony of thoughts,
If I continue to dwell in the past I'm sure all I have is lost.

Pleading to release all that sits on my heart,
A mountain of contemplation imprints on the soul.
Seeing your face as you thought on his name,
Made me wonder when I'm not around will you ever do the same.

Images replayed over again in my mind,
Praying for amnesia just for this time.
My foolishness distorts my mind, taking me hostage,

Yet falling into temptation to nurture these misleading seeds,
Asking "Why" only helps these things grow.
Asking "Who" only makes us cold,
Asking "When" only takes me deeper still,

Into a bed of frustrations my mind seeks to escape.
Setting myself up, I peeked into self induced visions,
Threatening to destroy everything, don't give it voice.
I know it's wrong, but gravity pulls me to this direction.

Often falling for well laid traps.
Searching for a solid rock where I can stand.
As confidence erodes beneath my feet,
Pulling me with a tide of regret.

My strength, now turned weakness,
Now the worse of me is no longer in the past.
And to that end I should never have asked,
But I'm in my feelings, but I can't let her know.

Never Ending Love

I have yet to grasp if I'm awake or dreaming,
I feel nothing,yet feel everything,
As if I've arrived at a destination
One in which was a journey too long.

I'm immune to the voices that speak poison,
It's a situation that is not their own.
As my assignment is you...it's always been,
From the beginning of time...it's always been.
From the moment God said let there be,
We were created in His image...it's always been.

And I?
I grab hold of every abnormal thought,
Those which would seduce me away from you.
For this cause I entered into this world, to bring forth this Love,
Who's blueprinted design was fashioned before the dawn of creation.
And though you are so universal, yet you are solely my heart's devotion,
To birth into reality, a genuine compassion, and unmatched unconditional Love.

She questions how I love her, asking, unknowingly, Yet believing she understands,
How far my love expands to encompass her every being.
All she is and ever will be,
Is for a lifetime far too minuscule to display,
All that we could ever be,
So we cherish this time of life, and set our Love free.