Winter's Song: Chapter V: Discovery

She no longer returns my calls,
It's not surprising, I deserved that and more,
She offered me what I couldn't receive,
Refusing to acknowledged her feelings, I'm to blame,

Unappreciative of what I couldn't comprehend,
Unknowing of the depths, the beauty it claimed.
Jokingly she'll say "You'll miss me when I'm gone".
I laughed, believing she'll always remain.

Realizing that she couldn't be wrong.
But I wouldn't let my feelings grow,
A longer story why I wouldn't let them show.
I missed her every second of the day,

Reaching out to her without success,
Now without her a happy life is all a mess.
Her friends say I should give her some space,
Mine talk about fish in the sea, and to look another way.

Why waste time, when you know who you want,
But I'm guilty of the same, I want her back,
And I was insane to take her for granted,
Thought she would be here with me, now I panic.

At times wondering if she's seeing someone else,
If so, is hope lost? Is there time left?
Having your love at my finger tips,
I was more than slow, I couldn't grasp.

Her barricade's a struggle, breaking through just to pass,
As long as I carry this breath in my body, I'll use my last.
But I didn't consider my heart may have to obtain,
The realization your love might never be mine again.

Winter's Song: Chapter IV: Useless

She creeps into my mind, like criminals in the night,
Often causing me to wonder what's wrong or right.
Rewind the views, let me partake again,
As she moves with unimaginable elegance and grace.
Seeing her presence, smooth as the velvet sky,
My soul quivers at her entrance, and I know why.

Restraining myself, I can't let her know,
My desire to love, to share her eternity.
Clumsily losing myself in her presence,
Crawling just to pull away,
Falling to one knee, gripping my mouth avoiding what  next to say.

Speak on what I really feel? Nah... she won't be surprised.
She's too wonderful, amazing, like a fragrance I refuse to let go,
When we're together, praying she manages to never go.
Freedom is my illusion, I wonder if I'm also captured in her thoughts,
Unable to see our limitations, greater together, lesser apart.

She's crashed my existence, and I without insurance,
As her first impression, was a lasting impression.
Inconceivable to forget, there is no release,
Her love calls out to me, proclaiming we must be.
Weak at my core, yet stubbornly I attempt to resist.
If I were to walk away, I'll always wonder what I'd missed,
When wishing we said good night, too often say goodbye,
The night ends too soon, requesting the answers why.

My words are Conflicted, my action contradictions.
Telling her I'm not one to marry,
But it's her across the threshold I wish to carry.
I've been torn, I can't trust my issues,
Pride won't let me share,
Confidence says I shouldn't care.

God help me through this, I know it's self induced,
I'll be lying if I said I didn't want to love again.
Does she really care? 

Why does she show me such attention?
Could it be, she also shares all these emotions I've mentioned?
Stronger than I, yet I twinkle in her eyes.
And I'm left with nothing more than excuses,
But when it comes to her, they're all but useless.

Winter's Song: Chapter III: Dehydration

Desert flowers dance to songs from a gentle breeze,
As storms rage within, slowly bring me to my knees.
I was a pretender, thinking myself a contender.
Your affection never a game,
Seeing you find the immature, who don't feel the same.
Constantly convincing myself, figuring I'm the better man,
While contemplating my selection,
When attempting to be your only selection.
And you say don't really know what you want,
Ignoring I have what you need.
Should I plead my case, I'm not one to beg,
Nor mouth dry, disobeying the thirst,
Yet my soul cries rivers, from depths unknown,
Wishing my love could atoned for every man who did you wrong.
As threatens to burst through my chest,
If honest, there's times I wish we never met.
Still willing to give everything and more,
Water to dry grounds, how my heart pours.
Craving your love, more than I desire to admit,
Wishing you returned a flame, it's barely lit.
Cautiously pulling away, knowing there's no escape,
When I can't help holding on to feelings I should have left.

Winter's Song: Chapter II: Apologetically

It's taken some moments to bring this to light,
Still wondering if discussing it is right.
Unsure if saying this is for your sake or mine,
Contemplating if these words have missed their place and time.
So sore at knowing I caused you pain,
Selfish of me for bringing up an old stain.
Because though I never said, I can't let this go,
Especially finding you wanted more.
Crushed at hearing tears fell from your eyes,
Worst the cause was me, I just wanted to hide.
Even now you a beautiful heart,
Wish it wasn't my foolishness that moved us apart.
Unworthy to even think what could have been,
As it causes strain to renew, no sight of an end.
Reaching out to you, not for the past to reclaim,
Only desiring in soul, your name always remains.
Confessing I should have waited on you,
Trying to return, only made me look desperate to you.
Ships passing in the night, desiring to be in sync,
Now lowering my pride, leaves me more to think.
Others asked for the world, I should have asked for you,
So when keeping me at arms length, I'll understand if you're through.
Seeking to apologetically make amends,
Though I doubt you'll completely forgive my sins.
Whether you do I may never know,
Buried in my grief, my head may never show.

The Summer Wind Series: Chapters I-X

Chapter I: Consolation

Chapter II: Apprehensive

Chapter III: Atrophy

Chapter IV: Salutations

Chapter V: Questionnaire

Chapter VI: Premonition

Chapter VII: Expiration

Chapter VIII: Congratulations

Chapter IX: Singularity

Chapter X: Deliberation

Winter's Song : Chapter I: Hypocrisy

I can say it was manipulation,
Truth is, I was always gullible.
Believing everything she gave,
Wishing I could avoid the words she said.
Unable to proceed, my soul receding in quicksand,
Every time wanting the more to take her in.
Even though I know it's the wrong way to live.
I'm blind amidst the darkest night,
Touched by her, feelings I no longer want to fight.
And I can't ignore what I can't see,
When unable to release the feelings desiring her with me.
Revived for a time, though it's temporary,
Strengthen for a time, though it's contrary.
Stars quickly brighten the sky,
Offering illusions that it will be alright.
Yet my soul cradles Black holes that steals their light.
Even so, as I speak I wish I had her the more,
The hypocrisy from my mouth my lips pours.
Because honestly, I'll always hope it'll change,
Though her face is replaced with other names.
Each time causing my confidence to become my weakness,
And right now I feel I'm at my weakest.
Thoughts fumbled to the forefront,
Giving way to things I really shouldn't say.
Because talking about her never makes her go away.
Just exposing that for Love I'll always be a fool,
Lessons never learned, as she takes me to school.
Heart leaves me in shambles, but I manage to survive,
To feel her touch again, from Love I can never hide.

Summer Wind: Chapter X: Deliberation

I have no yearning to write, I prefer not to feel,
Rather than embrace this warmth,
Let me be numbing to the touch.
Yet that's a falsity, a luxury I am unable to obtain
As I wrestle against a force, that emanates from me again.
Uncertain what tomorrow brings, I should focus on you today,
Confusion on whether to pray that you'll never go away.
But as inevitable as the Sun will rise,
There will come a day you're no longer mine.
It's debatable if you ever were,
Misguided love causing me to see...what's not, feel...what's not.
I'm just a silly boy, in love with a beautiful girl,
I could swear this time will be different,
Often hoped that it would,
Told to be realistic, I wish that I could.
Dreaming dreams that we'll finally be,
Requiring faith I don't have, making it hard to believe.
Realizing for the first time, I'm clumsy,
Constantly falling in love.
Making me wonder, do I know what love is,
When I try to let it go, it only roars more to live.
And I accept love's conclusion, it only brings me to ruin,
So many times emotions for others in my past,
But for you, I always hoped it was the last.
My soul rages within, a furious storm,
If you go, I wouldn't be alarmed.
I'm stuck here, every moment wanting to be with you,
Lord, I wish you felt the same.
Attempting to hold on, only makes me the lame,
Unable to walk, definitely unable to see,
Why I always love the ones, who lack that love for me.

Summer Wind: Chapter IX: Singularity

My mind and heart synchronize,
Unable to move from her.
As every meaningful thought,
Finds her as the subject.
And though I proclaim to rule the members,
The collective, which makes me who I am.
I find I am content,
Whether good or bad,
To focus on this singularity of thought,
I like her.
"Love", word used too often,
Finding people say it too often.
Like children playing with toys,
They're only making noise.
No, I like her.
Liked to know what pleases her,
The simple things that makes her melt,
Liked to know her joys and pain, and how deep it's felt.
I'll liked to walk with her,
Down paths paved on sandy beaches,
As the breeze relieves the heat that reaches.
It's the warmth of her soul,
That's only mine to enjoy.
Losing tracks of time, gazing into her eyes,
Openly confessing truths, were others have lied.
Her beauty is for all, but she only for me.
Sharing my forever, the more, never less,
This my state of mind, thinking of nothing else.

Summer Wind: Chapter VIII: Congratulations

I should say Congratulations,
Right now I'm just being petty,
Immature, let me have my moment,
It will be over in a moment.
Once wrote about pretending to be happy,
Should you ever walked down that aisle,
Concealed my thoughts, maybe offer a smile.
Didn't realize that day would come so soon,
My love life seemed to stay still,
While yours obviously moved,
Remembering the night we first met,
A Christian Club, but my thoughts weren't very Christian,
As you ask to sit at my table, getting to know who I am,
Thinking this is how it is in movies,
Because to me you were beyond any Star,
I lived away, but for you it wasn't that far.
Friends telling me you were out of my league,
My mother saying, you'r'e the one I should have kept,
After what I've done friendship is all we have left,
Would you had met the man I am today,
Probably celebrating our anniversary, instead of your wedding day,
My past, my failures, of being a lesser man,
Ultimately better for lessons, that cost me your hand.
But I can't help wondering what could have been,
If it was me you stood before today, instead of him.


P.S.
As our day, turned into night,
To me you'll always be,
The lady in the Moon light.
-Congratulations

Summer Wind: Chapter VII: Expiration

She asked me if I'll remain the same,
I lied, and told her what I thought was true,
Thinking nothing could pull me away from you.
Patiently waiting for her to turn my way,
Since it never came, we had little to say.
She was content to put me in that zone,
So I reluctantly decided to let my heart roam.

She said she wanted to see me last night,
We're just friends, so guess that's alright.
Saying we haven't talked in a minute,
But Since I found someone else, my time well spent it.
She wants to know about her, and what's she like,
Giving her cliff notes versions, just to past the time.

Now she's showing interest in me she never did,
Touching me like I use to wish she would.
My heart's to another, so for her I'm empty inside,
Trying to keep a relationship, yet keep my relationship.
I'm giving every signal, that it's time for me to go,
But she wants me to stay like never before.

Deep down lamenting to my core,
Because I once loved you, and so much more.
There was nothing I wouldn't give,
Just to make us one, and forever we live.
Seems that's the game life tends plays,
When I wanted your love, it seemed delayed.
And now you see that I'm that guy,
Called me up, to give it a try.
I apologize, but I can't go your way,
Because I love her so much, I must be on my way.

Summer Wind: Chapter VI: Premonition

The night calmly whispers,
Constantly calling your name,
Holding my ears, shield me from the pain.
Remembering when you said,
You wish your were here,
Watching distance shatter love beneath our feet.

Seeing the woman I would try,
Is content with another guy.
Emotionally sorting her feelings,
Where's her place in his soul?
Those answers from me,
She already knows.

Propositions of me loving her,
She put's that on hold.
When he could have loved her he didn’t understand,
What would be an honor to be her man.
And I, believing against our Love there's no equal,

For in another time, we could be glorious,
In another place, God would have more for us.
But I care too much,
Sometimes I wish I didn't.
Wishing when it came to you,
Feelings remained hidden.

Since your heart's already taken,
I should probably let this moment pass.
Remembering the toying of my plastic soul,
Recycled, ever desiring for another chance.
Will I find a Love that will understand?
Still hold to hope that you will be mine,
But this premonition of Love says, not at this time.

Summer Wind: Chapter V: Questionnaire

Her voice tingles, apologizing for calling while I slept,
As if her voice wasn't who my ears most wanted to hear.
Little did she know I was dreaming of her,
So when I see her face on my phone while existing sleep,
She literally becomes the woman of my dreams.

And what's sleep in the concept of eternity?
If I lose an opportunity to get close to her,
Because when it comes to Love, she's all I want to do.
But lately it's come to this,
As she wonders if it's rationality I've miss.

Pondering how can I know for sure,
Shouldn't Love take more time to ensure,
Questioning if I really know what Love is,
Am I cuffing or could it be coincidental,
Is it more than chemicals affecting my mental.

Like Loving her could ever be that simple, and yet it is,
Like a destination it finally brings me home,
Where it hailed from I really wouldn't know.
And if I wrote in a million books, it would just be the forward,
Yet it drives me forward, because it's that strong.

She may never believe me, when I said I do,
If life would permit I'll gladly show it's true.
But since she asked, I'm more incline to answer,
If I knew it would bring some resolution,
Even I know love isn't the only solution.

But it's the only thing I have,
And what I have, I cherish,
Thoughts of you won't easily perish.
Because you don't ask the sun how it shines,
Nor do we ask why the tide rise.

Nor question the birds on how they sing,
Or who taught the salmon to return up stream.
Asking why I love you is really impossible to explain,
Easier for me to explain the science of falling rain.

Only God knows how he's created me to be,
For this purpose, can I refuse to be?
Born to love, is what I do,
Born to love you, how can I refuse?
If I were, then why should I exist?

With each breath it's a chance I can't miss.
In the hopes it's your affection I obtain,
Everyday I rise and desire to love you the same.
To daily fulfill your questionnaire of why,
When I say I love you, it's always truth and never lie.

Summer Wind: Chapter IV: Salutations

Dispense with time,
Let me speak of more than you.
Explanatory is this exposition,
As I share my current position.
Recalling the pains of Life,
Shackling me in submission.
Showing no concerns for my tears,
Or why my soul mourned.
Tattered Heart bleeding,
And how it was torn.
Internally crying rivers,
Never to World see.
How so I loved you,
And what it did to me.
Death could not capture,
So my Faith yet remained.
Surviving another day,
As growth claimed my name.
Heart no longer in pieces,
A smile sewed to my face.
While Hope lives again,
And in Love I find Grace.

Summer Wind: Chapter III: Atrophy

Walls crumbling, and I don't even care,
This rain clears my mind, leaving only you here.
Life without you I can no longer deny,
And it doesn't matter if you ever reply.
You're contagious, but there's no remedy,
The essence of your heart crystal clear to me.
Because in your presence I'm secretly weak for you,
I already know what I want to do,.
Courageously violating rules I've held within,
Releasing locks as my heart militarily falls in.
My Dear, you've always had my attention,
The choices I make today risk my suspension.
Don't ask me to stop, why should I behave,
It's only your beauty that's eclipsed by your soul in waves.
My soul's on fire, causing me to want more,
Don't walk away, let your gaze endure.
Selfishly I announce my position,
Because I won't struggle with your decision.
But if I enter your heart how deep could you love?
Tell me the deepest things you never wanted to show.
With your amazing intelligence there's no hiding what's already known
Yet my lips desire to whisper these words in your ear.
I'll love you forever, bring your heart here.

Summer Wind: Chapter II: Apprehensive

Wash upon me, waves upon my shore,
As your love pulls me, erode me,
Slowly making me more new.
Stumbled into Love, I suppose I should make room.

They say a man only loves once in this life,
So either I never loved her, or this is a lie.
Resistance a futility, I'm confessing it's true,
As I stand here falling for you.

Like reading a book from end to beginning,
Not making any sense, possibly sinning,
Entrenched in loving you, but you're like my last,
Frantically searching for differences, praying this will pass.

Seemingly always falling for your type,
If I adjust my day, would I still find night,
And she proclaims she's not the same,
But my past hurts too much, to trust her with my name.

And my mind struggles against it all,
As her love screams forever.
Tugs between the two, a war of contradictions,
While I sit here, seeing times not the only thing I'm losing,

To her it sounds like fiction,
Saying my actions and words don't mince,
Looking at it now, she's right I think,
But what's stronger the foreboding this anguish to my soul,
Needing that perfected love that cast away these fears,
My love's so flawed but all I have to give.

Summer Wind: Chapter I: Consolation

She stands next to me but she's long distance,
Love leaks like oil, I feel her drifting.
Arising each day, my heart rejects its suspicions,
Contemplating, at times overthinking.
Pulling thoughts into submission,
Because she’s the manifestation of my imagination.
A beautiful dream lived only in the present,
And every night she claims my mind, her residence.
Waited patiently, a prisoner of love, I waited my release,
She’s here now, in body at least.
For I see her mind spacing,
The outline of her thoughts tracing.
Remnants of love gone by,
Her eyes dance in the sunset sometimes asking why.
Given secondary devotion, as she ponders his reflection.
As I'm dying to be the only one she sees,
Even as our love fades quickly, as ripples in the raging sea.
Because I could never be the one she needs,
As their history, has yet to be History.
Going deaf to my affections,
Her heart’s no longer hearing this,
When she's made me the comma, and he the period.

The Best Things

Invincible Fortress, no sign of entry,
Guards deserted, not worth their fate,
Taken away in a way I should never be,
Because I refused you for so long, I forget what it means,

Why do you call, why do you tease,
As I followed you, I lost how to lead.
Fell asleep in your arms, as night faded into morning,
And mourning is what I embraced as I woke,
As you have moved along as I stayed,

Not wanting to feel this aching in my chest,
My heart's split, ripped right to left,
Remnants kept hidden, as I sent it away,
Into the depths of despair, to areas even I fear to go,
Because you can’t hurt what's never known,

I refused your beckoning,
Deaf to your persuading ways,
You're no longer what my heart craves,
Continued repetitions, Scribbling your lullabies,
Recalling what was, no longer echoes in my eyes.

And others fall thinking its you,
but failure's mine with no intentions of following through,
Showing no remorse, I’ll be the worst,
Running on empty, dying of thirst.

Lying to myself, that I don’t desire you,
Seeing you’ve always been the best thing I’ve ever knew,
Darkness surrounds, you’ll be the guiding flame,
Steps closer to you, no longer forgetting your name,
Reunited, wishing this time was the last,
Even through the pain, you’re the best thing I could never have.

Tomorrow's Promise

I could never be what you didn't know you needed,
A figment of your imagination of what Love is,
What do we really love, what do we hold most dear
I wonder if the answer changes if another was to appear
To repeat those words that we all want to hear,

"I Love You",
Never have three words carried so much weight, so much impact,
Never have three words cause destinies to rise,
And hearts sail away on glorious bliss.

"I Love You",
These words are no longer mere words,
As they are intended to share,
Carrying passions that can never be truly be portrayed.

A rarity said too often, yet never looses it's meaning,
Long lasting as often as repeated,
Things used often, easily loose value,
Yet Love works contrary to the world, to do what's necessary.

My thoughts constantly probe the depths of my soul,
In the hopes that when uttered, those words hold true,
For the passion of those words cross earth and seas,
Move mountains just to bring you closer to me.

And please come to me, Love,
Let those words flow from me, let me say them freely,
For distance is no object, as potential lies in everything and every man.
To seek the best of every man

Will I, can I ever this goal,
As potential abounds,
but provokes me on what's left undone,
And days now slips away, like one who dines and refuses to pay.
Doubt dash away, do not seek my door,

As the day remains her promises will be kept,
If I were to leave, it's fruit I will never see,
So hide behind your feelings, I'll hide behind my own,
Because this is the first time I won't let you go,

Holding to the moment that we could exist,
No birthday candles to blow, no miss placed wish,
But if I wish, it will not go astray,
It would be the hope of finding your Love,
Knowing there's a promise some miss,
But that is the promise left for tomorrow to keep.

Confessions III: Daydreaming

My Heart's tripping, thoughts slipping,
Submerged into the conscience of loving you,
The more I do, the more it's indubitable.
I can’t die, not until a sensation of your touch,
I can’t, not until I feel your calm of your soul.

Dance all night, then rest in my arms.
See within me, I'll be the sum of your heart,
Revealed contents of stories no one has seen.
Gaze into my eyes as we fall asleep,
Dreaming a dream that’s come to light.

I hear the rain, let it rain all night,
Pour until it floods our souls,
As we drift upon it's waves.
Be my only love, don’t delay,
As I've heard the things others say.

There’s none I love more than you.
I’ll be a fool to believe everything you speak,
Yet love has caused me to be a fool for you,
As I constantly thirst to be full of you,
Is its you, or how I within?

A taste of both, which is my delight.
Amending my plans talking big, but loving bigger,
No fear of harm, just pull the trigger,
For I am what you would have me be.

But overachieving would have me be,
More than you thought you would need.
My Heart's tripping, thoughts slipping,
For my soul commands thoughts be release to the atmosphere,
In the hopes of some place, some where you always hear.

Confessions III: Switch Positions

What do I say,
How should I greet this view?
Maybe it's a tad early,
Since it's still new.

I'm told I'm a trip,
I'm told I'm silly.
Wonder what they'll say now,
If they could see me.

Claims for mulligans,
Reevaluate their assessments.
Contemplating your thoughts,
This failure I own.

Dialed into to your Heart,
Only to hear a tone.
Couldn't get your attention,
Now that attention won't leave.

When caught, It wasn't long,
As tiredness creeps deep within.
Watching those outside my window,
Confusing what's really strong.

Wouldn't give me a double take,
Now call friends so we double date.
Friends remind me we're visual,
But leftover trust is residual.

Struggling with my humility,
As air flows to my head,
Threatening to derail me.
Should I give the benefit of the doubt,

But doubt is all I have in you.
Saying my heart to you should never be.
When you speak I'm already gone.
Let me return anonymous.

Hide me away, so you never miss.
As I separate furthered from you.
Your words are now letters returned where sent,
Because from this view, positions have switched.

Confessions III: Whatever This Is

It's been a while since I've endeavored to figure this out,
What are we, what we could be,
What do we have, how long can it last,
And why does it feel more real than anything,
Yet my mind fails to comprehend everything.

Like the way you make me feel,
Even as I speak, my mouth curves with pleasure,
At the mere attempt to speak your name...
It's just your name,
And yet more than a name.

It's like no one has ever wore that name,
Until you draped it around your existence.
Hopes and dreams now extend beyond me,
Making my soul more enthralled in you,
As my mind displays actions that I can't understand,

Waves of emotions crash swiftly like an angry sea,
Let me hold to your words,
Trickled bread crumbs that lead.
It's all too much, yet I can't get enough,
And I've never talked this way about anyone as I have you...
But you're not anyone,
Not to be confused with everyone.

Because from the creation of this world...
Wait, go back.
The creation of the sun and moon,
Wait, go back.
Before trillions of stars formed a million galaxies,
Before there was a big or little bang,
Yet wait, go back.
Before time and space betrothed to marry.

You were thought of in His mind,
The creation of Heaven now walks this earth.
And still. I attempt to wrapped my conscious around the infinite,
The possibilities of what this is,
Whatever this is.

The Hope of Love

Connect from the unknown, to what is clearly seen,
The love that lives between you and I.
And there’s never enough words to clearly convey,
My life without you, should you go away.

Unseen footprints leading to once closed doors,
Allowing me to love you more than stars yearn to shine.
Be more than my Valentine, a Crush or Dream,
A connection more than thoughts conceptualize.

Like newborn screams for the breath of Life,
Your that Hope brought from day to night.
I observe your heart venture where it should never be,
As I desire gravity to escort you closer to me.

Realizing what some have mentioned, others always perceived,
The love and passion carried, and why we delay to be.
As feelings land everywhere expect where Love demanded,
To proceed in this direction, we'll never to be the same.

And how could I expect you to see, where I was also blind,
Pursuing the light in others, unable to see before my eyes.
That the one I always loved, was right in my view,
Now present, my embrace forevermore consume.

Confessing the truths, which were hidden so deep within,
With treasured dreams, as seconds tend to fade away,
In hope of Love we search reality for truths, no lies,
For those who wished for this moment, like you and I.

One More Day

Let me love again, breathe new life again,
Caress with wanting hands the edge of Love,
As she embraces me until she uncovers my soul.
Emotions invade my being that are only for you,
Leaves lingering questions of what now I should do.

An eternal love that will never cease,
As moon light gives permission and let's me thoroughly investigate,
Thoughts that jump track and trains I must relocate.
Striving against disconnecting,
While dodging the fears of discontentment.

Stationary the punishment for my mental slide,
After clamoring so hard just to find.
Pathways forward that shortens the distance,
Constantly revealing the Love I've been missing.

Where do I go, as I fall further for you,
Admitting I haven't been the same,
When my soul calls your name.
Remembering you at first sight,
Love that kept me through the night.

Quickly writing before my heart goes empty,
For I know there's words that need to be said.
Sitting here thinking about tomorrow, and what else I would say,
If I could hold this moment longer, and Love one more day.