#180 Lamentations in Love

My heart's full of tears, but I won't cry,
As I refuse to let them flow, I rather let them die.
A screaming soul thirsty for relief it will never see,
But that's a concept my mind can no longer conceive.

Dreams crumble, beautiful ashes caught in gusts of wind,
As regret pours in, lingering moments from when things could be.
They say Love isn't a game,
Then why am I exhausted, feeling so played.

I have little strength to pursue,
Because this wasn't the direction to journey to.
Made a choice for the things I yearned,
Now paying for the mistakes I never learned.

And my heart won't relinquish my soul,
Praying if Love loosen its grip, would it let me go.
Because life as I know it, isn't what I intended,
Feel like I spend more of my days more than silently pretending.

That this table set before me will just have to do,
Like there could be no one else after you.
And I despise myself for formulating these foolish thoughts,
Because I admit my love for you comes purely from my heart.

There's no suitable solution,
Guilty emotions, knowing these are my choices.
For my life, please step in to intervene,
As my heart's torn in all directions, an bloody scene.

If I depart, would I suffer more?
Should I be content, instead of wanting more?
And although I would rather it be another way,
I know I'll forever lament the Love that won't come my way.

I.M.F.

Warring between two personas,
The person I normally am, I no longer know,
Self inflicted wounds merely from agony of thoughts,
If I continue to dwell in the past I'm sure all I have is lost.

Pleading to release all that sits on my heart,
A mountain of contemplation imprints on the soul.
Seeing your face as you thought on his name,
Made me wonder when I'm not around will you ever do the same.

Images replayed over again in my mind,
Praying for amnesia just for this time.
My foolishness distorts my mind, taking me hostage,

Yet falling into temptation to nurture these misleading seeds,
Asking "Why" only helps these things grow.
Asking "Who" only makes us cold,
Asking "When" only takes me deeper still,

Into a bed of frustrations my mind seeks to escape.
Setting myself up, I peeked into self induced visions,
Threatening to destroy everything, don't give it voice.
I know it's wrong, but gravity pulls me to this direction.

Often falling for well laid traps.
Searching for a solid rock where I can stand.
As confidence erodes beneath my feet,
Pulling me with a tide of regret.

My strength, now turned weakness,
Now the worse of me is no longer in the past.
And to that end I should never have asked,
But I'm in my feelings, but I can't let her know.