Winter's Song: Chapter II: Apologetically

It's taken some moments to bring this to light,
Still wondering if discussing it is right.
Unsure if saying this is for your sake or mine,
Contemplating if these words have missed their place and time.
So sore at knowing I caused you pain,
Selfish of me for bringing up an old stain.
Because though I never said, I can't let this go,
Especially finding you wanted more.
Crushed at hearing tears fell from your eyes,
Worst the cause was me, I just wanted to hide.
Even now you a beautiful heart,
Wish it wasn't my foolishness that moved us apart.
Unworthy to even think what could have been,
As it causes strain to renew, no sight of an end.
Reaching out to you, not for the past to reclaim,
Only desiring in soul, your name always remains.
Confessing I should have waited on you,
Trying to return, only made me look desperate to you.
Ships passing in the night, desiring to be in sync,
Now lowering my pride, leaves me more to think.
Others asked for the world, I should have asked for you,
So when keeping me at arms length, I'll understand if you're through.
Seeking to apologetically make amends,
Though I doubt you'll completely forgive my sins.
Whether you do I may never know,
Buried in my grief, my head may never show.

The Summer Wind Series: Chapters I-X

Chapter I: Consolation

Chapter II: Apprehensive

Chapter III: Atrophy

Chapter IV: Salutations

Chapter V: Questionnaire

Chapter VI: Premonition

Chapter VII: Expiration

Chapter VIII: Congratulations

Chapter IX: Singularity

Chapter X: Deliberation

Winter's Song : Chapter I: Hypocrisy

I can say it was manipulation,
Truth is, I was always gullible.
Believing everything she gave,
Wishing I could avoid the words she said.
Unable to proceed, my soul receding in quicksand,
Every time wanting the more to take her in.
Even though I know it's the wrong way to live.
I'm blind amidst the darkest night,
Touched by her, feelings I no longer want to fight.
And I can't ignore what I can't see,
When unable to release the feelings desiring her with me.
Revived for a time, though it's temporary,
Strengthen for a time, though it's contrary.
Stars quickly brighten the sky,
Offering illusions that it will be alright.
Yet my soul cradles Black holes that steals their light.
Even so, as I speak I wish I had her the more,
The hypocrisy from my mouth my lips pours.
Because honestly, I'll always hope it'll change,
Though her face is replaced with other names.
Each time causing my confidence to become my weakness,
And right now I feel I'm at my weakest.
Thoughts fumbled to the forefront,
Giving way to things I really shouldn't say.
Because talking about her never makes her go away.
Just exposing that for Love I'll always be a fool,
Lessons never learned, as she takes me to school.
Heart leaves me in shambles, but I manage to survive,
To feel her touch again, from Love I can never hide.

Summer Wind: Chapter X: Deliberation

I have no yearning to write, I prefer not to feel,
Rather than embrace this warmth,
Let me be numbing to the touch.
Yet that's a falsity, a luxury I am unable to obtain
As I wrestle against a force, that emanates from me again.
Uncertain what tomorrow brings, I should focus on you today,
Confusion on whether to pray that you'll never go away.
But as inevitable as the Sun will rise,
There will come a day you're no longer mine.
It's debatable if you ever were,
Misguided love causing me to see...what's not, feel...what's not.
I'm just a silly boy, in love with a beautiful girl,
I could swear this time will be different,
Often hoped that it would,
Told to be realistic, I wish that I could.
Dreaming dreams that we'll finally be,
Requiring faith I don't have, making it hard to believe.
Realizing for the first time, I'm clumsy,
Constantly falling in love.
Making me wonder, do I know what love is,
When I try to let it go, it only roars more to live.
And I accept love's conclusion, it only brings me to ruin,
So many times emotions for others in my past,
But for you, I always hoped it was the last.
My soul rages within, a furious storm,
If you go, I wouldn't be alarmed.
I'm stuck here, every moment wanting to be with you,
Lord, I wish you felt the same.
Attempting to hold on, only makes me the lame,
Unable to walk, definitely unable to see,
Why I always love the ones, who lack that love for me.

Summer Wind: Chapter IX: Singularity

My mind and heart synchronize,
Unable to move from her.
As every meaningful thought,
Finds her as the subject.
And though I proclaim to rule the members,
The collective, which makes me who I am.
I find I am content,
Whether good or bad,
To focus on this singularity of thought,
I like her.
"Love", word used too often,
Finding people say it too often.
Like children playing with toys,
They're only making noise.
No, I like her.
Liked to know what pleases her,
The simple things that makes her melt,
Liked to know her joys and pain, and how deep it's felt.
I'll liked to walk with her,
Down paths paved on sandy beaches,
As the breeze relieves the heat that reaches.
It's the warmth of her soul,
That's only mine to enjoy.
Losing tracks of time, gazing into her eyes,
Openly confessing truths, were others have lied.
Her beauty is for all, but she only for me.
Sharing my forever, the more, never less,
This my state of mind, thinking of nothing else.

Summer Wind: Chapter VIII: Congratulations

I should say Congratulations,
Right now I'm just being petty,
Immature, let me have my moment,
It will be over in a moment.
Once wrote about pretending to be happy,
Should you ever walked down that aisle,
Concealed my thoughts, maybe offer a smile.
Didn't realize that day would come so soon,
My love life seemed to stay still,
While yours obviously moved,
Remembering the night we first met,
A Christian Club, but my thoughts weren't very Christian,
As you ask to sit at my table, getting to know who I am,
Thinking this is how it is in movies,
Because to me you were beyond any Star,
I lived away, but for you it wasn't that far.
Friends telling me you were out of my league,
My mother saying, you'r'e the one I should have kept,
After what I've done friendship is all we have left,
Would you had met the man I am today,
Probably celebrating our anniversary, instead of your wedding day,
My past, my failures, of being a lesser man,
Ultimately better for lessons, that cost me your hand.
But I can't help wondering what could have been,
If it was me you stood before today, instead of him.


P.S.
As our day, turned into night,
To me you'll always be,
The lady in the Moon light.
-Congratulations